Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is an orthodox (modern) Rabbi who has a new show on The Learning Channel called “Shalom in the Homeâ€. It is a cute show where, inspired by his own childhood loneliness due to his parents’ divorce, travels around the country trying to help families find “Shalom†(peace).
My wife and I have watched a few shows and find it endearing and a cut above the average voyeur show. Reb Boteach is compassionate and insightful and is able to cut through bullshit without angering the people he is counseling.
Last night’s show the Rabbi dove wholeheartedly and intentionally into controversy raising the quality of his show from “cute and endearing†to pretty damned cool.
What we had was an orthodox Rabbi counseling a lesbian couple on how to raise their two daughters in what looked like Park Slope Brooklyn. Rabbi Boteach used this as an opportunity to COMPLETELY demolish the morality of religious attacks on homosexuality.
He came right out and said that they knew this show would be controversial and that was one reason why they wanted to show it. They even had an unusual segment where the crew and the lesbian couple discussed whether the show should even air of if it might be misinterpreted as criticism of the ability of a lesbian couple to raise children. Again, the Rabbi made the point that the message is the exact opposite—that he is helping one of the most compassionate, deep and caring families he has known.
Orthodox Judaism condemns homosexuality in pretty extreme terms, but it does so in a far more complex way than right-wing Christianity does. This complexity can be seen, for those who are interested, in a film called "Trembling Before G_d (sic)" which I found amazing despite being neither Orthodox nor homosexual. It is a great movie about people who are honestly trying to resolve two contradictory sides of their lives.
Rabbi Boteach made only vague references to gay marriage. He gave me the general impression that he opposes it. But, in his words, a person’s view on gay marriage is irrelevant when counseling a family. He clearly stated that a person’s view on homosexuality should NEVER get between a parent’s unconditional love for his or her child and that one’s views on homosexuality should NEVER make one lose sight of the fact that EVERYONE is one of God’s children (in his words) and EQUALLY deserving of love and respect. He admits the negative view of homosexuality in Orthodox thinking, but vehemently condemns those who use a negative view of homosexuality as an excuse to treat homosexuals as unequal before God. If I caught it properly, he said that God hates people who do that. His condemnation is for those who hate rather than for those who love in a manner that he may not approve of.
It seems clear that he chose to air this show specifically so he could make these statements regarding homosexuality. The families he has counseled in the past were in fairly dire need of help with some major issues that needed resolving to avoid divorce and misery. The lesbian couple had no such dire problems but rather had a far subtler negative dynamic with one of their daughters over schoolwork. The problem was certainly important and took some subtle counseling to help resolve, but it wasn’t the kind of dramatic television that the problems of his previous families provided. What provided the drama was the direct and clear condemnation of a society or a religion that condemns a person for the manner in which they love. Rabbi Boteach in no way condoned homosexuality since his views on the matter seemed more complex than simple condoning or condemnation. He did not come out for or against gay marriage. He did not say people had to be comfortable with homosexuality. What he did was say that you deal with homosexuals in exactly the way you would any other people and you view them as equals before God whether or not you like what they do.
I have to say that Rabbi Boteach made me proud to be Jewish. Viewing the world and life as complex and leaving judgment to God may not be a characteristic of all Jews, but it is a more common characteristic of Judaism than it is of many religions. Embracing complexity and controversy and leaving judgment aside is a lesson we all should learn from Shmuley. Kudos to him and to TLC for a wonderful show.
