I recently took my son to the Brooklyn Children's Museum. Although I have been to many far better Children's museums (like the Exploratorium in San Francisco and the Children's Museum in Balboa Park in San Diego), I will say my son LOVED it. He loved it so much he had a massive temper tantrum when we had to leave. Which isn't really typical of his behavior anymore, so he REALLY wanted to stay there.

I think he said he wanted to stay there for a HUNDRED hours!

The museum consists mostly of pretend shops (based on real shops in Brooklyn) that include a right wing talk show host's worst nightmare of politically correctness: an Italian pizza parlor, a Caribbean travel store, an African general store, and international food store, a Chinese bookstore, etc. (all pretend...but I actually found myself wishing the museum actually SOLD some of the stuff from the real stores). There is also a nature exploration area (not something my son was into) a replica bus (my son's favorite, as long as HE could be the driver) and a real vespa scooter kids could pretend to drive (my son's second favorite). Upstairs is a GREAT but almost unused area showing how museums displays are set up, and an area on the space shuttle that had potential but seemed poorly maintained and not as interesting as it could be. Overall a good place to release your kid for 3 or 4 (or a HUNDRED) hours.

But kids have to be fed. I had planned to take Jacob to a neighborhood restaurant, but didn't see any that caught my eye on the way over, so gave up and, with some dread, decided to feed him at the museum's cafe.

I grew up going to museums. As far back as I remember I went to museums. I saw the original King Tut exhibit. And I remember back when no museum in existance in America had anything but crappy food. In Los Angeles museums started to upgrade their cafes and restaurants in the 1980's until some are now pretty good. The LA County Museum of Art has a cafe with hand carved meat sandwiches and great personal pizzas, for example.

In general I have found NYC museums a bit behind the curve on food quality. And I suspected the Brooklyn Children's Museum cafe would be bad. Well, even with low expectations I was disappointed. My son had a crappy hot dog which he ate, but didn't seem enthusiastic about (and I have never seen him unenthusiastic about a hot dog before!). I ordered a tiny, tiny personal pizza that looked passible...barely.

The hot dog was just this side of soggy. The pizza was horrible. It was the kind of artificial tasting crust with metallic tasting sauce and cheese that looked like softened plastic that I despise. I am very tolerant of pizza. With pizza and with turkey and stuffing dinners I like even mediocre versions...even kind of liked the versions served in my college cafeteria, though with a degree of masochism, I suppose. The Children's museum cafe pizza was the second worst I have ever, ever had. I found myself thankful that it was so tiny. I had subsidiary food for Jacob (mango, nuts, cereal bars) that he was happy to eat. But I just went hungry rather than get anything else from the cafe. Most of the other people in the cafe seemed unenthusiastic about their food as well, though that could just have been the fact that everyone was dealing with hungry kids.

As I was leaving, I saw the name of the cafe. It explained everything. Had I seen it at the start I would have skipped it and tried pretty much anything else in the neighborhood. The horrible cafe with hot dogs even my hot dog loving son wasn't keen on and pizza even pizza loving mole333 could barely stomach was the "Forest City Ratner Cafe."

Bruce Ratner offering the community substandard goods is something I have come to expect. If only I had known in advance I would have known to avoid the place like the plague.

To all with children in Brooklyn, I certainly recommend the Brooklyn Children's Museum. But do yourselves a favor. Eat at ANY place else or have a picnic in the nearby park instead. Here are the suggestions the museum offers for places in the neighborhood:

HERU’S JUICE BAR AND FRUIT MARKET
(5 minute walk)

Heru’s Juice Bar and Fruit Market features a yummy array of healthy options. Along with freshly squeezed juices, they also offer delicious salads and flavorful rice plates.
111 Kingston Avenue between Bergen Street & Dean Street

Directions from Museum:

Following traffic on St. Marks, walk one block to Kingston. Turn left on Kingston. Walk 1.5 blocks. Heru’s is on the right.

WILD BEAN CAFÉ/BP (5 minute walk)

The Wild Bean Café operates inside the BP gas station store. They offer a full range of gourmet sandwiches, soups, and salads. If you're looking for something healthy or an on-the-go snack, this is a good choice. Open seven days a week. Features a parking lot and seating.
Corner of Atlantic Avenue and Brooklyn Avenue

Directions from Museum:

Walk north, against traffic, on Brooklyn Avenue to Atlantic Avenue. Cross Atlantic Avenue under the LIRR overpass to the BP station on the corner.

KINGSTON PIZZA (8 minute walk)

Kingston Pizza offers a full menu of Italian treats. Stop by for a cheesy Sicilian slice, a hot sausage hero, or some garlic knots.
259 Kingston Avenue between Sterling Street and St. Johns Avenue

Directions from Museum:

Following traffic on St. Marks, walk one block to Kingston. Turn right on Kingston. Walk 2.5 blocks. Kingston Pizza is on the left.

APPLEBEE’S (10 minute walk)

If you’re looking for a fun place to have a sit-down meal with your family, look no further than Applebee’s. The restaurant offers special menus for children and plenty of tasty selections for adults.
1360 Fulton Street in Restoration Plaza

Directions from Museum:

Walk north, against traffic, on Brooklyn Avenue to Fulton Street. Turn left on Fulton Street and walk up a 1/2 block to Restoration Plaza. Applebee’s is on the left.

In retrospect I wish I had taken Jacob to Kingston Pizza. If they had white pizza he'd be happy...and I certainly would have been far more satisfied with my pizza. Applebee's is not my style, but hell, I'd rather it than Forest City Ratner's tiny, tiny molten plastic pizza.