I, Liza Michelle Sabater-Tirado, am the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter, Dannielynn.

It was a freak accident of telepathic autogenesis that made me the father of Anna's daugher. Seriously. Since the father of my children doesn't want more kids, I was using all my mental abilities to immaculately conceive the baby girl I want so much. Unfortunately my powers got transferred to Anna Nicole.

I remember the day so well, because I was standing at the check-out line flipping through the pages of The Enquirer while working on my willful conception. Out of nowhere pops the gorgeous bossom of Anna Nicole enrapturing me with it's charms in the most non-lesbian way possible ... not that there's anything wrong with that.

I kind of lost myself in Anna's double-ds and, well, my powers of maleless gestation got transfered to her. I swear it's true. It was an accident but true.

So forget the sorry Larry Birkenhead.

Forget the murderous Howard K. Stern.

Banish Zsa Zsa Gabor's hustler, Prince Frederic von Anhalt.

Don't even think about the frozen sperm of J. Howard Marshall.

It's me, me, me and only me.

Now, you ask yourselves, what does this have to do with NY politics? Well ... ahhh .... hmmmm ... not much. Oh, wait! I telepathically autogenerated the baby from the East Village. There's also the lame Seinfeld reference.

I think that counts.

So now that I've claimed my New Yorked paternity equity,it's time to get my Return On Investment : I want my $80 million in cash.