Per The New York Times and The Los Angeles Times, filthy sodomites are engaging in bestial marriage acts in the satanic state of Connecticut, aided and abetted by Jesus-hating judges.

Quick, somebody call the Mormons! Can't you just see the hate for Jesus dripping from these fiends?

Back in reality, congratulations to the State of Connecticut, and there specifically to my friends Richard and Ed and Ann and Jemetta, whose enduring partnerships put most straight marriages I'm familiar with - 50% divorce rate, my friends - to shame.